Friday, March 09, 2007

She was never much of a typist, my Mom. You might say my father was the lifeguard who saved her from drowning in the steno pool. Growing up, before we joined the Computer Age, our house would fill with the sounds of Mom's electric typewriter backing up – "corrrrect, corrrrect, corrrrect" – as she hammered out business letters in her office at home.

As you can imagine, my mother's digital deficiency makes for amusement at e-mail time. Last month after reading my Valentine's Day blog entry she sent me an encouraging note, the new-fashioned way. (It took some years but she’s finally realized that the phone is not the best way to reach me. Now Mom's feeding me a steady diet of three to five e-mails a day.) As usual she typed her message fast and furiously and flung it on its way. Shoot first, check spelling later -- that's just how the lady gets her business done.

Here's to beautiful hearts filled with love, good feelings and lots of tasty things to eat. You're my girl!
Happy Valentine's Day Sweetie,
Nothing tastes better than reading your words.
Calorie free, but feels you up!
You made my day!
I Love you,

Yeah, fourth line from the bottom. You read that right. As sweet as it is fantastically hilarious.

But, as they say, there is no such thing as comedy without victims. Enter: alswrite(at)

In attempting to send me the following message – and, apparently, numerous others in the past few weeks – my mother had left a ‘w’ out of my address (she blames the keyboard) and hurriedly hit "Send" without checking the “To” line first.

Hi Sweetie, Hope you got your exercise and rest yesterday. Sounds like they put you thru the mill at work.

Wanted to tell you of some fabulous healthy muffins I found at Trader Joe’s. They are called "Moral Fiber." Very healthy. Flavor is orange/cranberry. No sugar (just white grape juice). Very high fiber, low fat. Cut in half toasted with a little light cream cheese. They are delicious!! I'm hooked. Love, Mom

The message did eventually reach me, forwarded along with this note from the unintended recipient:

-----Original Message-----
From: alswrite(at)
Subject: great muffins

You know, this is getting really annoying. I'm being nice by telling you that you're emailing the wrong person because I don't want you to think your emails have gotten to your daughter. But it's really starting to get on my nerves.

Honestly, it was kinder than I might have been. I’m sure that after five or six or a dozen misfires this innocent bystander was at his or her wit’s end.

My mother didn’t see it that way.

“Where's his sense of humor?" She was indignant on the phone. (This incident had warranted a call.) "'All's right' my ass. I don’t think all’s right in this guy’s life. I have this little fantasy…”

My ears tensed at the tone of voice that puts the rest of our family on Lucy Ricardo alert.

“I think he’s this lonely, unhappy young man, and all he really needs is for someone to be his Mommy. Maybe I can give him advice and stuff; be his pen pal, his surrogate Mom.”

“LEAVE HIM ALONE,” I warned, bracing for the sort of misunderstanding that involves a 57-year-old Jewish mother and a restraining order.

But I didn’t hear from her the rest of the day and figured the matter was at rest – until I received another forwarded message, originally sent that morning from my mother to alswrite(at)

Sorry again for the mistaken identity.
But you might as well try the muffins.
Maybe it'll put you in a better mood!!!


I-66 said...


All my mother does is poke and prod at me to buy property and try to match me up with asian women.

LJ said...

So funny that your mom sent him an email back. That's just great.

thethinker said...

Haha, feels you up. I would probably end up making fun of that for a long time.

Ulysses said...

I think you're mom's correct about at least one thing: a little extra fiber might help a guy out.
Two other modern mishaps: my text mail editor mixes up love/loud and good/home. I've sent at least one message too hurriedly that asked "when are you going to be good?" which can be problematic if your trying to profess your "loud" to someone. Well, maybe those are the right two to put together...

Old Lady said...

Too cute. The worst I have ever done was to send a contract to the wrong person with the correct name. That's been good for a few jokes around the office.

Barbara said...

I love your Mom! I wonder if the guy bought the TJ muffins. I would love it if my children e-mailed me every day. E-mail is such a nice way to stay in touch on your own timetable.

Reya Mellicker said...

What I wonder is why is spending so much time forwarding emails. When errant emails come my way, I just delete them. odd - funny, though!

East-West Girl said...

this entry totally made my afternoon. compounded with ulysses' comment, it was even better for a good laugh! thanks for sharing. and half of that thank you goes to your mom :)

Phil said...

Wouldn't it be great to have this mysterious "cyber-mom" out there, where you would get intermittent random emails consisting of motherly advice? "Eat more bran" "Do you need any money?" "Wear a coat, it's supposed to be cold today", etc.

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Heather said...

hahaha I just came across your blog today, and this post is hilarious! I love that your mom sent that one last email to him! Great! :)

Lior said...

Hey, remember my stalking idea from two posts ago?...


mm said...

Haha that was great. Moms are great. I love my mom.

Claire said...

Classic mom behavior- highly entertaining!

Reya Mellicker said...

Wish I could comment on your post from March 25, but you disabled it. Intrepid and determined, I'll comment here.

Beauty comes in many forms. Not all of them, not even MOST of them, are destructive. I can immerse myself in the beauty of the landscape, or a painting, or a wonderful dinner with a friend with no fear of being fried.

We don't have a clue what those moths are doing when they approach the flame, but I doubt seriously their motivations are anything like what a human's motivations might be.