Friday, June 09, 2006

Official diagnosis: Bupkis!

I squirmed through a slippery sonogram of both my breasts today (they throw in the goop for free) and it turned up a screenful of stuff that looks a lot like the surface of Mars. No signs of life. I thought I saw something shaped vaguely like a hat -- which could have been the Monopoly piece or Carmen Sandiego (thanks, Lior) -- but it was just a tiny lymph node.

I'm to return in a couple weeks for a baseline mammogram... and all I can think about is California Pizza Kitchen. Next time you eat at CPK, take a peek behind the counter where they prepare the crust: They stick a round lump of dough between two circular steel slabs, pull a lever that clamps them together, and when they finally let go that dough is as wide and flat at the plate they'll serve it on.

Man, I could really go for a pizza right now.

Thank you, everyone, for your concern and for keeping the gag going; I enjoyed a few chuckles this week that helped the days fly by.

11 comments:

Janet said...

I am glad... it was nothing serious.

And for the pizza suggestion! I was just wondering what to have for dinner.

Merujo said...

I am very relieved for you, D. I still like to think it was a reserve of goodness, for yours overflows. :-)

Cheers,

Merujo

Anonymous said...

I’m very happy and relieved... This "shiksa" just learned what “bupkis” is - something really good.

Paper Doll

Barbara said...

Is it possible that the guy who invented the mammogram machine started CPK? I knew there was a reason I never liked that pizza...

Cancer Sucks! said...

"....looks a lot like the surface of Mars."

Nu? Were Spirit and Opportunity hiding? First they fake the moon landing and now this?

Washington Cube said...

Having spent my Spring being tested to death for the unknown, I can tell you that the only thing that has gotten me through some of these horrors has been humor. If you can write about this, then perhaps it is time for me to blog about some of it.

East-West Girl said...

yeay! hurray for good news. :)

Anonymous said...

No extra charge for the goop? Even though it's got that delicious blueberry flavor? That's some high-end radiologist you got hooked up with (no, really, those puns came of their own accord; if I could take 'em back honestly I would)

Not at all surprised to hear that they could only find good sides of you to image

Shafa said...

I must beg your forgiveness for my lack of input in this matter.

For the record, I am SUPER EXUBERANT that it is nothing!

Keep us posted!

Lior said...

Back when I did my OB/gyn rotation, I often lamented on how the ultrasound pictures really looked like...well...nothing. So one day, I hijacked the machine and took some random still-frame pictures of my arm, belly, head. The result: really blurry white-on-black pictures. I showed them to my classmates, and told them, "this one is a UFO...and this one is the Loch Ness monster. See the neck? And this one is my favorite - bigfoot!"

They didn't laugh as much as I thought they would. But I think that my shots were better quality than any of the more famous Loch Ness, UFO or bigfoot shots I've seen.

Martin said...

I'm never going to be able to look at a "Where's Waldo?" picture the same way again after reading this.

Glad you are well, hale, and hearty! We miss you at the blog meetups. :)