Thursday, February 23, 2006

Excerpts from my first foray into the wild world of physical therapy:


PT: "So, Ms. Write, is it alright if I call you Danielle or do you prefer Ms. Write?"
AW: "Heck, you can call me Princess if you want. Everyone else does."


AW: "Do you need me to roll up my pants for this part?"
PT: "No, I can get to your kneecaps through the jeans."
AW: "Are you sure? 'Cause I shaved my legs for this. It'd be a shame to waste it."


That's right, I flirted with my PT. I flirted and I flirted good. More specifically, I spent the entire hour flirting with a strange man while he massaged and manipulated my neck, my hips and my sweet little knees. Or to put it yet another way, Blue Cross/Blue Shield paid a man to put his hands all over me while I fed him coquettish charm, spoonful after lovin' spoonful.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "I am so in the wrong line of work." No, you're thinking, "Why would you do such a thing, you ridiculous floozy with your irresistible goofiness and inappropriate sense of timing?"

Well, I'll tell you, there were two reasons: First, he was cute, in a short-sleeved-buttondown-with-a-tie-like-Detective-Sipowitz kind of way; and second, he flirted with me first.

Okay that second part's not true, I flirted first, but I didn't mean to! I just made a joke to lighten the mood -- he asked, "How's your health? Heart? Lungs? Kidneys? Liver?" and I gave him the thumbs-up and declared, "All present and accounted for!" -- and he laughed pretty hard and I laughed and we realized that hey! we both get it! as in get-it get it, you know? And thus began the flirting. And I know it was flirting because he answered each of my zingers with one of his own. And his ears kept turning red. And I was being adorable. Really, I was in rare form; must be a full moon.

I came away with a short list of stretches and exercises to "retrain my spinal cord" and accomplish a few other things I couldn't even pretend to understand, but I'll practice them faithfully if it means I can keep on running.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got another appointment in two weeks and I need to start thinking about what I'm going to wear.

17 comments:

Keith said...

You shameless hussy! ;)

Chairborne Stranger said...

really funny! good for you!

I-66 said...

for a moment there I read "retain my spinal cord"... and that really should be on everyone's to-do list.

Reya Mellicker said...

But ... do your knees feel better?

I-66 said...

..and by the way, how apropos is "Ms. Write" with is double meaning/pronunciation?

Nicole said...

His ears kept turning red? You're observant. I barely remember to check the left hand for rings.

Kayla said...

Grrrr... manipulated your knee caps... through your jeans.. now there's a man with TALENT... I am so jealous ;).

Larissa said...

ha, way to go! that's brilliant.

Barbara said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Marci (aka Baby Banana) said...

OMG I totally understand. I was forced to wear my prettiest underwear twice a week for 4 months last year because of my BCBS-sponsored ass-massages.

Kristin said...

You make me want to hurt myself, get back into PT. That's just wrong... And you are too funny.

East-West Girl said...

I admire your talent and ability. I generally get tongue tied in situations such as these and say the stupidest things. Not only are your heart, lungs, kidneys and liver functioning and accounted for, your wit and charm are too! Bravo, d. =)

playfulinnc said...

Hawt! I went to the chiropractor for much longer than I needed just to have that weekly flirt with him. I have so been that hussy.

Work it out, cutie!

(PS~ I may just try that lotion...if it's good enough for the pre-pt appt, it's good enough for me!)

Velvet said...

I finally crawled out of today's trauma to read this. I know you'll forgive me since you are in the know on said trauma etc.

Anyway, good work. I like "Ms. Write." Awesome.

You could really go the extra mile on the whole PT/knees/flirting thing, but, I'll close my mouth now.

Claire said...

Flirting on the same wavelength is hard to come by. That's gotta be therapeutic too. Enjoy!

Shafa said...

You are a despicable, bad, evil person.

*makes note to go into PT*

Dora said...

That's right! you go ahead and flirt. Sometimes that's just what a girl needs to start feeling better a good rush...aren't endorphins great?