Monday, December 19, 2005

Did you catch Bush's address Sunday night? I happened to be watching CBS at that moment, so it was Bob Schieffer who delivered the intro on my TV. I don't know if it was just Schieffer's take on things or if all the networks came off this way, but I was not feeling the standard seriousness.

Usually the anchor barges in: "Oh, were you watching "The Simpsons"? TOUGH SHIT; The president's got something to say. And when he's done, we'll be back to beat the horse for TWO. MORE. HOURS. Don't make any plans."

But this time the tone was almost... apologetic. Schieffer seemed to sigh, "Look, he promised to keep it short this time. You won't miss your shows -- our schmaltzy Christmas movie starts in like 15 minutes, I swear. I'll be back later tonight if you wanna hear my take on the speech. But please, don't feel obligated."

"Look, I know he's an idiot. You know he's an idiot. We all know he's an idiot. Let's just get this over with, okay?"

About three minutes in I switched the channel to UPN, where "Boogie Nights" was in the middle of a scene that was, for all intents and purposes, soft-core porn. It was a long scene, and while there was a good deal of blurring I don't think any content had been cut. Just as my heart was starting to thaw for the ass-backwards, selectively-puritanical networks and their "tits-but-no-nipples / thongs-but-no-butt-cracks" censorship guidelines, they bleeped out the word "cum." Three hours of sex, drugs and bullet wounds, and they're afraid impressionable teens will get in trouble if they let a little "cum" slip by?

I mean... You know what I mean.

(If you laughed at that one, you're on the next bus to hell. I'll save you a seat.)


Paulo said...

Lenny Bruce was arrested several times for using the word "cum" in public. I believe he was the first comic to say it, in fact. We should be thankful for what we've got.

Here's to nipple-less tits and crackless thongs.


Velvet said...

Hey, doing some catch up reading on your blog - I really like your stuff! Looking forward to meeting you Wednesday.

writergurl said...

Yeah, please save me a seat, I cracked up at that.

Great blog, btw!

Eric the Something said...

I think I am driving that bus. Or at least providing directions.

Reya Mellicker said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Reya Mellicker said...

I am on the bus.

Anonymous said...

The scariest thing to me is that, after publicly admitting that there were never any WMD, that he signed an extra-constitutional order authorizing domestic spying and especially after sending out a "holiday" card versus a Christmas card, this guy's approval ratings have actually improved over the last 2 weeks.

We are living in the Final Days.

Buy you lunch sometime soon?

Heather B. said...

definately on the next bus to hell.

Anonymous said...

What is said, and what is heard are often not the same. I'm sure Bob Shiefer would be surprised at your 'take'.

Regardless of what you may think of the President, nothing could be more stupid than CBS' programming - any interruption would be a blessing. Or maybe we should resurrect Mary Mapes so she can make up some stuff.

Washington Cube said...

I was reading in the Post today how Bush was joking with the press saying they weren't allowed to pose multiple questions to him: one question only. Hardy har har. What a card.

I would love, dearly LOVE, to see the Washington Press Corps ignore Bush for his remaining time in office. He calls a press conference and no one shows up. He's never quoted again. When he was reelected, I swore I would never listen to him further, and I have held to my word. If he is on television, I turn it off.

Barbara said...

The only good thing about the current situation is that some of those RED voters may be getting BLUE blood in time for the next election. I feel really sorry for whoever inherits the problems created by the current administration!

I'm really looking forward to meeting you Wednesday night!

The Daily Rant said...

I laughed at that one too, guess I'm on the bus. Yay!

And how appropriate that you should switch channels from Bush's address to a show that let a little cum slip by.....especially since the biggest wad of ALL slipped by when he was re-elected.

Chairborne Stranger said...

LOL-well I guess I'm on the bus with the Daily Rant then. Too funny.

Snowflake Chaser said...

See, now, the thing that I love is that he's been talking so SO much! You know he's in deep shit when he's coming out to talk on his own. More than one question? We're talking about a man who's idea of a 4-year term is one PRESS conference, let alone one question. He may have joked, but the number of public addresses he's done lately to the entirety of the american people shows that he knows he's up to his neck in it all, and that he's trying to flounder out.

In the end, any man who gets up and whines that he has sovreign authority (this is a man who, afterall,regularly comments that he is chosen by god. like a king.) rather than addressing the issues knows he's in trouble.

So while I hate hearing him talk as well, oh man does it feel good this time.