This thing with Handsome Man from the lunch place, the one I was too shy to talk to, it's progressed to a Level 5 Crush that caused me to walk several blocks out of my way in torturous heels and post a shameful Missed Connection on Craig's List. (My friends made me do it.)
How is that we work (presumably) on the same block and never saw each other until a couple weeks ago, and all of a sudden he's everywhere I go? I guess it makes sense I should start to notice a familiar face.
Am I really so bored, so desperate for distraction, that a complete stranger can whip me into an adolescent froth just by looking my way? And why am I so damned shy that I could stroll next to this person for four whole blocks without saying a single word to break the ice? I'm 30 now. Thirty and smart and funny and kind of adorable too, once you get to know me. It's time to come out of my shell, no?
And oh my God, am I a stalker?
I've gained a whole new respect for men. This is hard stuff, this picking up of people, and you guys are out there doing it every day of the week. Gentlemen, you inspire me. Except you losers who make kissy sounds from your cars. Has that ever worked? Ever?
Next time. Next time I'll speak to Handsome. If he makes eye contact.
Anybody got a fail-safe pickup line I can borrow?