Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Some women chart their cycles with desk calendars, red pens, Palm Pilots, computer alarms, birth control pills...

I use sugar.

Like a squirrel in autumn knows when to collect her nuts, my hormones cue a monthly forage for junk -- the good, the bad, the 35-cent val-u-bag at CVS -- to be socked away in anticipation of my cravings. Trail mix, M&Ms, circus peanuts, candy corn, candy cane, candy apple, candy bar... Be it a seasonal offering or a staff meeting leftover, if it's laying around the office the week before my period it will find its way to the secret tupperware in my top desk drawer, always with a promise to savor it bit by bit. But my good intentions inevitably slide down that slippery chocolate slope, leaving me with aching teeth, bloated tummy, and a very guilty conscience.

Today I filled a baggie with a raisin/peanut/M&M mix and sealed it away in my hiding place. "I'll just have a bite this afternoon," I told myself. "The rest will last me through the week."

It was gone in 15 minutes. All of it, plus a candy corn chaser. An hour later, the sour aftertaste of processed sugar lingering on my tongue, I feel polluted. Polluted and ashamed. I wish I cou-

Hey, do I smell kettle corn?

7 comments:

SMR said...

lol! Dude, I always said you were a woman after my own heart!

Anonymous said...
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tracinamarie said...

Okay, I stumbled upon your blog, and ironically enough, I just turned 30 too-- on september 1st, which seems to be just the day after you-- another strange coincidence is that I had a birthday party that I planned, invited at least 30 people, and 3 showed up- not including me! I also got a surprise party on my actual birthday from my boyfriend (not at work thank god)...anyways, like your blog, feel you on every level-- especially the slight depression of moving into your thirties....

AJ Gentile said...

Ok, do you actually eat the raisins in that baggie? Or are they just there to make you feel better? Hm?

always write said...

Raisins are integral to the mix, my friend. Peanuts and M&Ms: Bland. Raisins and M&Ms: Snore. Raisins & Peanuts: Puh-lease. It's the combination of salty, sweet and tart that makes this a powersnack.

Not that I've given it much thought.

AJ Gentile said...

What about this, oh goodie guru:

M&Ms

Raisinettes

Goobers

Together in a bag. Does this exist?

If not, shouldn't it?

always write said...

Yes, it should. And yes, it does, I think. I've seen a trail mix like that, hand-bagged by real live hippies at the natural food co-op near my house. The ingredients are all organic facsimiles of the brand-name junkfood, but it tastes pretty much the same.