Thursday, September 29, 2005

It all started innocently enough. I was killing time at the mall during an oil change, wandering in and out of my usual rainy-day haunts -- Sephora, Apple store, the Gap Trifecta. I turned down the corridor that leads to Nordstrom, not paying much attention and kinda jonesning for an Iced Americano, when, as if by tractor beam, I was sucked into the overpriced optical shop between Victoria's Secret and the Build-a-Bear Workshop. I don't remember what happened next but when I came to these were on my face and I was asking if they came in green, and a gaunt German salesman was telling me I have a fabulous face for rectangles. Whatever that means.

Every couple years I get restless and start shopping around for new glasses. Invariably I pick the high-priced pretentious kind from Denmark or France. I don't know why I do this; Perhaps I'm bored because my hairstyle hasn't changed for 17 years. (Except once, the regrettable chin-length bob of 2004: As if Shirley Temple and Carrot Top punished their naughty baby with a humiliating haircut. May it never, ever happen again.)

Since college I've been through gold wire frames ("I've found my first job, but good taste continues to elude me"), oval tortoiseshells ("I'm intellectual with an edge; It's in my copywriter job description"), pewter rectangles ("I'm feigning sophistication because I date men too old for me"), and the red cat's eyes currently working a dent into the bridge of my nose ("Welcome to the Insatiable Sexpot. You must be at least this smart to ride").

So now I'm up to funky green rectangles that will cost me yet another $300 and be seen by no one because I only wear them to read and stare at the computer. Is this a waste of money? No more than, say, the four pairs of boots I bought myself for my birthday last month. Perhaps I'll consider it a reward for all the hard work I've been putting into my blog. Oh -- and that stuff I do between 9 and 5.

They'll be my "I don't need a reason to spend 300 bucks on myself because I'm 30 and I work hard and if you have a problem with that you can kiss my fabulous ass" frames.

10 comments:

The Daily Rant said...
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AJ Gentile said...

Of course, I'd like to see a pic with the new glasses. (ahem)

But, I do as you do: I have wonderful Armani frames which I only wear to drive and to go to the movies.

The Daily Rant said...

I have just spent an obscene amount of time reading through your July, August and September archives and I just had to stop reading for a moment to tell you that I just LOVE your blog.

Your writing is so fantastic. Witty, charming, real and insightful. I love all the posts about your Mom and can identify with a lot of them. I also love the sprinkling of Jewish humor. I grew up in NY and although Italian, my family restaurant had a lot of Jewish customers and I worked in several jobs for Jewish bosses, so your manner of speaking (writing) brought back so many good memories!

OK, I have to get back and read May and June. I may comment again. But I just wanted you to know I think your stuff is FABULOUS.

Oh, one question though...Why is it exactly that you have had the same hairstyle for 17 years??

Ciao!
Salena
The Daily Rant
www.bellavenere.blogspot.com

The Daily Rant said...

Oh...I also love the smattering of yiddish. Schmatte....love it. I often pepper my conversation with those words, but since my boyfriend is from Dallas, her rarely gets it. Only my NY and east coast friends seem to. Still...great to read.

twosox said...

what was it you said about not having any fans?

Born to Kvetch (for the Yiddish crew)

Gordon said...

Only a German salesman could tell you that you a fabulous face for rectangles. You've got to love them, no wait...that's not right. Nice blog, btw.

always write said...

AJ, I'm farsighted and you're nearsighted: This could be the start of a beautiful co-dependent friendship.

Salena, (a) thank you! and (b) re: hairstyle, there's not much you can do with curls but cut them in long layers. I keep it interesting with clips, chopsticks and brightly-colored shmattes.

twosox, that book will be on my shelf by the end of the weekend.

Kayla said...

Chanel frames... $424 ... I like to use the logic that the eye dr. used (mad salesman)... Why, that's less than $1.50 each day... (for a year, which for someone like me - blind - is the life of my glasses)... Baby, you are worth EACH penny.

Pink Lemonade Diva said...

I totally just did that last wknd as well. I think it's the combination of the lighting and fabulously gay salesman who knew instantly what I 'needed.'

Truthfully, I wanted to take out my already-purchases and run those by him as well.

Dilly Dilly said...

Every 3-4 years I head to some overpriced optical "salon" and buy a pair of glasses I justify buy buying a whole new wardrobe that circles around it. Last time were dark purple Gucci frames.

I feel you. I too only wear these glasses on occassion - when the contacts are being mean to my eyes.

Do love your blog!