Thursday, September 22, 2005

charmed? I'm not sure...

After three or four days on MySpace I'm realizing the site is populated mostly by paunchy middle-aged men of substandard intelligence who've made it their business to collect the sorts of "friends" they could never make in real life. I'm talking about 18-year-old Playboy hopefuls whose profile pics reveal no less than 30% of their breasts and at least half (the top half) of their pubic bones.

I can imagine the carrots these men dangle to lure the little bunnies in... They introduce themselves with messages like the one I received two hours after I set up my account, "Hi, I'm a photographer in your area and I was wondering if you'd be interested in modeling for me."

Yeah, right. Even if it wasn't a form letter, I'm not that cute.

Then again, it's likely that some (most? all?) of these girls are actually paunchy middle-aged women, probably much smarter than their male MySpace counterparts but equally lonely. And if that's the case, I hope they've all found what they're looking for.

Me? I'm looking for a good laugh, one I can share with the world. So check back with this entry and I'll continue to post the funniest and most pitiful e-mails as they arrive.

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I feel like Grisabella, the aging glamourpuss from "Cats." The smell of Fresh Meat has worn off me in the four days since I joined MySpace, and the solicitous e-mails have slowed to a trickle. This is the best I got today, from a man of discriminating taste: ("Who I'd like to meet: Cute , Ultra Cute , Micro Cute , Semi Cute , Un Cute")

Subject: hey
Body: How you doin ? you the only 30 i have seen who dont look 30,,, keep lookin good,

A compliment is a compliment, I guess. I'll take it.

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